i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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