you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
