he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
