puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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