Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
