Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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