New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
