Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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