i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
