It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
