i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
