I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Randomize
