and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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