I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
