I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
