I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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