I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
