A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't deserve a penis
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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