It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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