whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
