im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
