dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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