it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
this will be a night to untag.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
