i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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