Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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