every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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