yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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