make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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