i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
