I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
