Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm like, not good at living.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
