just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
