she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
