I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
