Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
