I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
