I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
