he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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