I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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