Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
