i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
