I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
