I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
