My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
