i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
