the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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