Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
