I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
