I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
