i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
