Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
