How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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