you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
