I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
