Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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