the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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