There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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