i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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