It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
